Anyways i thought that i mite share this with you. Well today i saw a film about Martin Luther. If you didn't know, he was a monk/lawyer who challenged the catholic churche's viewpoints (mainly regarding them being greedy). Anyways, long story short, near the beginning of the film, Luther fails at performing a mass, and he is really sad after it. His fellow monk/priest asks him 'Martin, what is it that you seek?'. He replies 'I seek a merciful God, a God who loves me'. His preist freind walks away and Martin mutters 'I am yours, save me'.
When i saw this I was very close to crying. Of course, Luther was talking about something else, but the similarity is striking. A while back, after getting confirmed (which I didnt wanna do anyway) I decided that I didn't want to go to church anymore. Seeing as my family takes all matters of religion seriously, it wasn't easy, and they still don't like the idea.
Since its been over a year since my decision, Ive had loads of time to think about God, and whether he exists, and if he does in what form. You see, you can say im foolish for dropping out, but just hear me out. I think that if God does exist, he wouldn't be in the form that most religions portray him. I believe he would not come down to earth in any form. I think hed be shapeless, and you wouldnt be able to see him - you could only feel his presence. I guess the closest to this is buddhism.
But as you may have worked out at the moment i don't believe. Why? Well firstly, i believe that if there was a god, he either
-teach that love is right in whatever form, be it hetero or homosexual
-if homosexual love was wrong he wouldn't allow people to be born as homosexuals or turn into them
See my problem is he doesnt do either. Apparently, love is the most important thing in christianity. Well it would appear that theres quite a few 'buts' attached. No sex before marriage (oops), no contraception, no co-habitation, no being gay/lesbian. See what the hell does being bi/gay/str8 have anything to do with God loving me or not? Isnt god meant to be fair and not to discriminate? Well then surely the rules that the modermn church puts out go against this? Personally, I wouldnt mind believing in God.
See at first, I just thought that God was alright, it was the church that added all the rules and said what theyve said. But then it hit me. So why would he allow me to be who I am? And this is not only a problem regarding homosexuality - its the reason why many are agnostic/atheist. The idea is that God is (apparently) omnisicent (all-knowing), omnipotent (all powerful) and omnibenevolent (all loving). However, why do natural disasters occur, and why does god let them happen? Hes either doesnt know about it, has no power to prevent it, or he doesnt love us enough to care. Nice choice, huh?
Another thing is that hes let me down so many times. When i was down and i still believed, i prayed for things to get vetter, and yet nothing happened. Was god there for me when i was suicidal? no my closest mate was (but he doesnt live in the uk). Did god ever try to help me out when i was in trouble, when the amount of problems i had was to much to handle? Don't think so.
Its hard to write like this/about stuff like this. If this were just a diary kept every day, it would be easy. But writing about your own beliefs and giving reasons for your thinking is a bit different. it means that there isn't really an oraganised structure to it. So basically, youll find me referring to my beliefs about god thorughout this blog. I can't simply gather all my thoughts at once and organise em as i want =/ Soz in advance =]
So what do I believe in? I belive that there is no God. That we are here by pure chance. That evolution (survival of the fittest) has led to us, humans being on top. Religion is merely an attempt to block the reality of us being alone out of our heads. It is also a great way for certain people to abuse power and to set out moral codes for society based on their own beliefs under the label of god.
I believe that what we physically do depends entirely on us. However, our mind is already pre-set before birth (not by god by the mix and match of DNA). Therefore, although we can do whatever we want in a physical sense, it is our pre set morality that determines which of these actions were most likely to undertake. Think of our ability to do anything as of a full circle, 360 degrees. Our pre-set mind limits ths area of the cirlce that well use to about half, 180 degrees. When we grow up, the influence of our society (ie parents, religion, nearest friends) further reduces this cirle to 90 degrees. I believe thats why some people are bron gay and some arent. If, for example, youre born with 90 degress of the 180 degrees being gay related, than theres a 1/2 chance of you being gay from birth. So if your early life experience reduces the 180 to the 90 which codes for being gay then there you have it . If on the other hand you have 45 out of 180 degrees of being gay you might be gay as youre growing up if society reduces the 180 degress to the 90 containing the 45 degrees of homosexuality.
I know that this is kinda hard to understand, but draw it out and ull (hopefully) get it. Thats it for now.
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8 comments:
i must admit what u have written is too complicated for me, bt im just a kid after all.
btw, i have never believed in god nd fortunately my mum always tells to my grandparents not to bother me with their religious stuff (at least one good point for her :). actually, i dont believe in anything like ghosts or life after death or things like that. so my granpa has a very hard time trying to put his moral rules in my mind cos i just dont care about that at all ^_^.
the only good thing with religion is that im totally quiet at home on sunday morning when granpa nd granma go to the mass (then i can wank freely where i want in the house lol).
sorry, maybe its not very respectful for ur subject.
ye dw, it is complicated i know =] And dw bout being respectfull either lol, at least ure being honest
Wow, really hard stuff!
But you are really, really brave to discuss this topic!
I was grown up and taught by the rules of the catholic church. At the beginning I did everything I was told and I was happy.
When I visited a school whose commitee was the catholic church and we discussed the question if god exists or not and I began to think over it for the first time in a serious way.
I was firmed before and in this situation I was happy, because everybody else did that, too.
But I wished I hadn't been firmed because I was no longer able to identify myself with that what was taught to me.
I couldn't imagine that a god who loves everybody and set anyone up as equal would discriminate or punish people because of their thinking.
It all was emphasized when I realised that my feelings where different from what society calls "normal".
So where am I today?
I don't visit church since a few years anylonger, I don't belive in the image of god which I was told and I hadn't joined another religious community.
For me there is a kind of higher power, but I don't know how to call it and what it is exactly doing (influencing us).
But I havn't found a definition and I think I won't search for one. It's ok for me like it is now.
Nevertheless I wouldn't call myself religious, it's just a belief not to be completely lonely.
Yours P.
Im glad you brought this up. It's really good for you to question things about God, and it's right for you to do that. I had the same troubles and questions as you did, and though you may not agree to what I say, I'd like u to consider it. There are things you need to remember. God is a loving God, but He is a holy God. He loves us, but He cannot tolerate sin. In my understanding, being homosexual is not sin, but having sex with men is. If you put it that way, then loving a guy is possible, just not being sexual with him. In a sense we are on the same ground as straight ppl are because they are also to restrain from sex until marriage. The only downside for us is, we can't release our sexual desires (well not unless we do it with our wife). It's a struggle we must face each day, and it's a choice we have to make. It took me a while to accept this, but fortunately for me, God has been there, and enabled me to meet people with the same struggle.
I wish I could say more, but I really have a hard time expressing myself. All I know is, God loves you and hasn't give up on you. Even though he seems distant he is with you all the way, just let him speak to you. And because of this, I don't think you should give up on him just because society or the pope is saying some other thing. It's not about them, it's about you and God. Be angry with him, cry out to him, seek him, and get his attention. You'll see that he listens.
Wingless Angel- this is to the person that posted above me:
How can God be loving and understanding, yet not allow his children to be with the ones they love?
You said "being homosexual is not sin, but having sex with men is". That doesn't make sense if god is a loving and understanding one. He wouldn't put people here that are homosexual, but not allow them to be with the ones they love. Sex is an important part of a serious relationship, and you think god would only allow those who are "straight" to love each other without "sin"? That makes no sense to me.
Now for my view (sorry)-
I think that there is a God. I think that he loves each of us and watches over us. I think he allows us to have struggles and sadness in our lives so we can become better people.
(I know you said that god wasn't there for you when you were suicidal, but maybe he was there when your friend talked to you and helped you. Maybe he was watching over you to make sure you didnt do it, but 'influenced' your friend to talk and know what to say. idk just a thought, i respect how you feel.)
I think that God left us up to make our own lives, and that he is there and watching. sometimes things seem hard (I tried to commit suicide not too long ago) but in the end, i really believe that things will work out to make us all better people, if we try to do what is good.
btw, i don't agree with any organized religion either. I think everyone needs to have a personal relationship with god, and not have a church tell you what to do. I dont want to preach, but just let you know that people care about you-whether your friends in your life, guys like me, or even a higher power.
I understand how you feel, and I have my doubts too, but I look at the world around me and can't imagine it was all just "random" or "an accident"
Hope that makes sense man, so sorry to write so much, just i have been thinking a lot about it lately, so i thought i could share some with you. Best of luck, and hope to hear from you soon :)
-Landyn
ye man i know ite hard. glad ure still wiv us tho.
winglessangel, you have put your finger on one of the biggest questions that people wrestle with, what the theologians call the problem of evil. How could a God who is everything they say he is let these bad things exist? There are two possible answers. One is, he couldn't, therefore he doesn't exist. The other is to say that our minds aren't as big as God's would have to be if he exists. IOW, we can't understand it no matter how hard we try. I think it is true that our minds are finite. We can't expect, much less demand, to understand everything the way God must if he exists (which I believe he does). This goes for the question of homosexuality as much as it does for hurricanes and tornados and disease, and premature death. We are not in a position to demand an explanation from God. All we can say is that any real God must love us to create us, and maybe when we are with him in heaven we'll be able to understand it all, but anyway it will all have been worth it.
Why does all this happen? Even if God does not exist, there is no answer. In fact, if there is no God, there is no reason for it. But if there is a God, then there is a reason which we just can't grasp in this life.
Keep thinking and being honest with yourself.
I am not religious nor was I raised in a religious house. But you know, sometimes on those odd days, you feel the wind and the sun just right, people smile at you just so, and even though it's an ordinary day by any standard, you feel something more. And one must wonder, what is this?
I believe in something more. Whether or not it's God, I can't say and I'm not sure I'm capable of knowing definitively. But I do know that there IS something at work. And whatever/whoever it is, it's more than religion, it's more than human comprehension perhaps. There are so many unknowns in this world still.
Why do bad things happen? Who knows, but they're bad only relative to the people experiencing and observing it. We can't see the future, so we don't know the consequences of any given event. Perhaps there's a reason that we can't fathom.
But I do know that we've been "given" an amazing capacity to think, to do, to adapt. We're a lot stronger and durable than we think even in our darkest times. Maybe Christianity doesn't provide the answers you see, maybe it does, maybe some other religion does, or maybe you need to find that meaning for yourself. But that fact that we search for that meaning means something in-it-of-itself.
As to evolution, well, I'm going to be a biologist here and say that we're not really "on top." That's just an anthropocentric thought. Each species is adapted to what it needs to do, and constantly evolves to the pressures of the world. We aren't any different, except that perhaps we can adapt outside of our "natural" environment. But I think evolution has a purpose.
Are we solely here by pure chance? I can't say, perhaps there's a reason why we ARE here at all.
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